The Best & Worst Stoner Cereals (Part 1)

Is there anything better to quell a case of the munchies than a big bowl of cereal?  Honestly, we don’t think so.  It’s the perfect food, no matter the time of day.  It’s so easy to make, even a child can do it!

The Best Cereal in the History of Cereals: Cinnamon Toast Crunch

As you savor a spoonful of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, a river of dreamlike sensations flow across your palate:  the delicate balance of spicy cinnamon and sweet sugar; the perfect crunch of the toasted wheat and rice; the cold splash of milk blended with a dash of pure childhood nostalgia.  Memories are triggered from a simpler time.  Every aspect of the General Mills’ masterpiece combines to create a dancing union of flavors, elevating you from the blandness of your normal life to a place far away from worries and strife… taking you up to the heavens, to the great beyond.

That’s just a bite of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Most Ingenious Idea:  Reese’s Puffs

By all means, it’s cheating.  We are not sure how they got away with so simply combining Cocoa Puffs and Peanut Butter Crunch, but they did.  Peanut butter and chocolate are a timeless combo, and just like Reese’s candy, the cereal is nothing short of a grand slam.

Not Much Different than Eating Razor Blades: Cap’n Crunch

It is just painful.  With every bite of Cap’n Crunch, you declare war on the roof of your mouth.  Why does this cereal have to be so dangerous?  Surely there must be a way to retain the flavor without feeling like you’re eating a bowl of ninja throwing stars.

Best Mascot: Dig’em Frog

Dig’em is about as chill as they come.  He’s named after the way he feels about the very cereal he promotes.  Sugar Smacks, now for some reason called Honey Smacks (healthier… I think not) came along and Dig’em just dug’em.

Oh, and please don’t eat them right now… unless you feel like getting salmonella.

Worst Mascot:  Crazy Craving

Crazy Craving is what a child’s nightmares are made of.  The thing is fully rabid, and only capable of screaming, “ME WANT HONEYCOMB”.  Its like they managed to make that character from The Wild Thornberrys even worse, you know the one.  Get this mascot out of here, please.

The Chris & Liam Hemsworth Effect:  Honey Nut Cheerios & Cheerios

Liam Hemsworth ain’t shit.  Chris Hemsworth, on the other hand, is the GOD of Thunder.  A great actor and the perfect specimen of a man.  Eyes like the sea after a storm, that I could just get lost in.  I’m sure you know Chris from his hits such as The Avengers, Thor, or Snow White & The Huntsman.  Who remembers The Expendables 2?  Does anyone remember Liam Hemsworth from The Hunger Games?  Which character does he play again?

The point is, Chris is Honey Nut Cheerios, and Liam is regular ol’ Cheerios.  One is flawless, and one is engaged to Miley Cyrus.  That’s just the way it is.

Biggest Sneak: Froot Loops

Froot Loops have been hiding two things from us for a very… very long time.  For starters, fruit is spelled “froot”, which is just wrong on all kinds of levels.  Second, every single loop of froot that you eat is the same exact flavor.  Very sneaky, Froot Loops… I don’t know if we will ever forgive you.

The Cereal That Even Weed Can’t Make Taste good: Raisin Bran

If you create a food that contains raisins, and the raisins are the absolute best part of the food, then guess what?  You have a horrible cereal.  Sorry, not sorry.


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